Mike Bryant was once ejected from a Karaoke bar for performing the Weird Al Yankovic
classic "Yoda", instead of taking things seriously.
Many years later, in an unrelated event, his lady friend began dragging him out to
poetry readings. Most of the poets were, by definition, average. Some were excellent.
But others made him want to gnaw off his own foot in order to get away from their
ill-conceived, self-important, pretentious ramblings.
But that would be stupid because without his foot he wouldn't be able to walk and then
he'd just have to sit there bleeding and how would he wear boots?
And so, in a fit of mean-spiritedness, he wrote a piece entitled "I Am A Shitty Poet"
and performed it at one of Toronto's many open mic nights.
Fully expecting to find himself once again ejected from a venue, Mike was instead
pleasantly surprised by the sound of applause.
Sure, it was probably applause of the polite, please-just-don't-hurt-us sort, but it was
good enough for him.
After that, things just started to spiral out of control.
He has since featured at many reading series, released 2-and-a-half self-published chapbooks, two novellas,,
and a spoken word CD called Chicken Noodle Pants, due to the fact that those are
scientifically proven to be the three funniest words in the English language.
Mike likes Science Fiction and Heavy Metal, which is sure to make him a hit with the ladies.
Here is a list of his upcoming appearances.